it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
