Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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