is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
