I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize