she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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