true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
