Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize