just tell him i said nine months
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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