My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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