one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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