Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
