You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's never too late to be topless.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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