i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
