how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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