So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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