I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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