man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
try to milk me bitch
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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