Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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