Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
