so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
