what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sarcasm needs its own font
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize