I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
