the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
