1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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