this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
