all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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