my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
