I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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