Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
