also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
