It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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