Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
