everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
