Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
