Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
