Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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