worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
