He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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