Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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