just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
