you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
