I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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