I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
