I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need a beard to bite.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
