Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
