K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
