The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
