I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
