I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
