He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
