I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
