Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
