i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
