I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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