there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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