its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
