Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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