I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We got so high we made milksteak
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
