I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
