Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
false alarm, still single
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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