Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
