Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
