hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize