Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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