In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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