Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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