is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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