Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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