I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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