why didn't you poke me back
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
