I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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