no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
