Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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