dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Gay?
German.
Pity.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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